Lover's plea

My lover and my beloved,
I have seen you, I have felt you
Yet you escape me.

I have left the minarets of mosques
I tried to seek you in godlessness of temples
I even let myself go in the presence of christ
Yet, I fail to find thee.

I intoxicated myself,
I obliterated myself,
and every time I forget myself
I am given a fruit from your presence
A presence that only reminds me of me

who are you?
At least, for the sake of a moment's satisfaction
tell me, who am I?
I am left to do things here without my control.

I have hoped to do one thing that enables me
I have dreamed of achieving the heights others have
but without here right now, where can i be?

I wish I was annihilated, burnt in all consuming fire
if that is what it takes to see you.
Accept my humble prayer, in your majestic presence
My insides cannot take this anymore.

Take mercy on me, grant me thine love
for all i want is thee.

Existence and Death (Dedicated to Dada)

Everything that we know around us is through our five senses, if we loose all our senses, we will cease to exist. Therefore, we can only know anything through our own experiences. We might say that we can get knowledge from other people's experience but we have to realize that this knowledge is transferred through words, and the words that one might choose to convey a particular experience or a mental picture to another person, might create a different mental picture than the one person is trying to convey. And, the only way to check if the mental picture formed through our words in other people's mind is same or not is through using more words. We will be content that the other person's mental picture is the same if the other person uses words that we believe should be used to describe our mental picture. However, each word that each of the persons will use to communicate that mental picture will have its own unique experience attached to it that both people might or might not have in common. However, lacking an independent method of confirming if the mental picture or understanding formed through the use of words is same or not, we have to take for granted that words we are using will create our experience or convey it to a certain extent. We are forced to live in a facade of words without actually realizing that other person might never understand what is going on in your, mine or any ones' mind.

That being said, my senses tell me that when people die they cease to exist or in other words loose all their senses. Likewise, when I sleep (dreamlessly), I loose all my senses until i wake up or am woken up by stimulating one of my senses, for instance by a loud noise. The only difference I see between sleep and death is that in death senses cannot be stimulated anymore and in sleep our senses can be stimulated to wake us up and experience reality through our available senses. Perhaps, I can say sleep is a temporary death. At the same time, I like sleeping dreamlessly because I am numbed out from reality, nothing is, my consciousness is not aware of any pain or happiness, the essential element of my existence "I" ceases to exist. Therefore, if sleep is something like death and I enjoy sleeping then I will greatly enjoy death.

And, this is the reason that gives me solace that my beloved grandfather is in a better place in his death. I realize we all sleep, I realize I will die, and one day will be reunited with him and that he is balling out right now up there. Love you Dada!

Shades of Blue

Living a lie

The glory of the past

Or some heaven in the future

Too afraid to accept the present

When present is all we have

Trying to escape reality

Looking for something beyond

But beyond will too be

Just as mundane as this moment

I have heard life is short,

Then why does this feel like eternity?

Yet, I find contradictions everywhere around me

You are here, because I am alive

Without me, you are nothing

Not a ruler, not a lover,

Nor anything you can imagine to be.

I define you and you define me.

Is it really hard to see?

Do me a favor.

Deny me. Deny yourself.

Yet every time you fail,

You will see a new us.

Yet, I can't escape myself

So I am bound to repeat your mistake

If only we can realize,

nothing is, If we don't want it to be.

Shallow Clay

I am an animal,

or am I just a human,

or maybe animal is human or human animal.

Tell me the difference

and youve figured out life.

Squirrels run around gathering accorns,

run around each other playfully, mindlessly,

passing themselves on.

And, We are stuck in the same order,

gathering the same pieces of paper,

stuck in the same authority, same phrases, same life

passed down to us

and we will pass down ahead

Lets live the way we are expected to,

loving the same things, experiencing the same emotions,

killing ourselves and reincarnating as people of the past,

The new is only dangerous,

danger to your senses because you havent felt it before,

It might give you tears or pangs of laughter,

But when you will be done, you wont regret feeling life

because you felt it, you did it.

And, "You will breathe,

breathe in the air," like never before.

Or, may be, just may be, we do not know

how to feel life,

and we are forced to do the past,

Or, maybe, we are afraid to feel,

because we havent felt before.

I am Youth

I am rebellious
I am insidious
You can call me:
Youth

I am not afraid to make mistakes
I am not even afraid to repeat them
But I am afraid my friend
You will be afraid to embrace me

Get careless now before it’s too later
Too late to run around in the rain
Or make your heart beat faster
When you catch a glimpse of someone special
Once I am gone my friend,
You will miss me.

Make plenty of friends because
A couple of them might save you
From becoming an old loner
And don’t be afraid to fall in love
Because only I can show you,
How to smile at someone’s thought.

So, take my advice
Love the ones you love
Care for the ones you care
Don’t hide your emotions while I am here,
Because I will be gone too soon
And you will be old, wrinkled and listless

I do not know when I will leave
But you will know when I do
Yet it’s certain, or rather sad
I. Will. Leave you.

I wish I could stay around forever,
I wish I could have everything right now, forever.
Yet, I am not naïve enough to realize
It will change. I will change.
You will change.

Blue Gray

what is and what cannot be

why should i ponder on this rhetorical plea

I am free and I shall use this prerogative

to understand and explore thee

why hide from my animalism

why question anything around me

If I feel what I am

then that is what i shall be

go break those barriers those thoughtless chains

of our society which is nothing but you and me

But remember, now is the time to unite

the time to embrace this moment

if its not now then when can it be?

let us all be hypocrites, liars, failures

everything that we are told to never be

for once, let us follow what we feel

without a consequence, without a meaning

whatever it shall be

let us create those envious and treacherous actions

that will destroy our existence and humilate us

but you know my love

from thoes ashes we will create a new me

i am not afraid to say it out loud

if its not now then it can never be

but always remember one thing, my love

you and me will forever be

don't be afraid,

fear is just another emotional melee

lets rise above this morass and feel the way

we felt in our mothers womb

where nothing was right, nothing was wrong

and where all that mattered was just me and me